Dear Slimming World

I need to apologise. I had an affair and I’m sorry. I cheated on you. I don’t know what I was thinking.

In a moment of madness last weekend, I joined a rival weight loss class. I know, I know! I’m sorry! I thought I’d try something new, something different. I was feeling low and sorry for myself about my weight and, in my melancholy state, my head was turned.

Several years ago, I lost a lot of weight by following your plan, Slimming World. Then I had another baby, which is clearly an excuse to eat all the cake. Trouble is, I’ve never stopped. I think I look bigger now than when I was about to pop with Small. Bad times. I’ve been making excuse after excuse, but trying to wear last year’s summer clothes and finding they’re too tight meant it was crunch time. Drastic action was needed. No more excuses.

You and I have continued flirting with each other a couple of times over the last few years, but we never quite managed to gel like we did that first time. My heart wasn’t in it. So, when your rival caught my eye, with its pleasing online colour palette and fancy font (and I do love a fancy font!), I barely gave you a thought, Slimming World. I hate to admit it, but I wanted to go with something new, fresh and exciting!

I signed up online (not something I can do with you, Slimming World – perhaps you’d consider it?) and primped and preened myself ready for my first meeting with my new fancy. I was nervous, just like the first time we met, but your rival was smooth, sleek and had an array of wares to tempt me, and I was soon under its spell.

Our first meeting came to an end, and I waved a cheery, hopeful ‘goodbye’ as I left with my folder of books and information all about my new fling. I couldn’t wait to get home and find out more, logging on to the website to fill in my statistics, and downloading the app so I’d always have it close at hand.

I went shopping for rival-friendly foods, happily scanning barcodes with my new app so that I knew how many ‘points’ each food contained. It was really very useful – maybe something else you could consider, Slimming World? I took my food home and began to plan what I would eat for the next few days.

And that’s where things started to sour. 

I struggled to plan. I couldn’t get my head around the whole ‘points’ system. I was used to your ‘syns’ and ‘free’, even ‘superfree’ foods, Slimming World. How could an apple be free with you, but cost me points from my daily allowance with them? All the foods I knew to be ‘safe’ with you, were potentially risky with them. I didn’t like not feeling safe. It was as though we were speaking different languages and I just didn’t understand.

I didn’t like watching my points total decrease every time I added something I’d eaten to my daily diary. I began to feel panicky. What if I ran out before I’d had my dinner? Let alone my evening chocolate treat.

And I was so hungry. I’ve rarely felt hungry with you, Slimming World. If I have, it’s just because there’s been nothing suitable to hand. I know I can grab some fruit, or a chicken leg if I’m feeling peckish with you. But with them, most things cost me points. It was all just too complicated. I was hungry and confused, panicky and unsafe.

So, I’ve come crawling back to you, Slimming World. I’m begging for your forgiveness. I don’t know why I ever thought I could go with something new and different, when I feel so comfortable with you. I think we know where we stand, you and I. I know we can get on. I’ve already been and joined a meeting, picked up my new books and planned a week’s meals. It’s like putting on an old, comfy pair of slippers. Different may seem exciting in the short term, but when all is said and done, comfy is where I want to be. I’m in it for the long-haul this time.

Please, will you have me back?

Slimming World, I Had An Affair And I’m Sorry

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